This sccene was at the end of the third Chapter… It is where Bart reads the letter of commendation from Juan.
[break]
This is the scene before the edit:
After a few minutes, he said, “This is a letter of commendation. Thanking people for… “Walter, and his bravery… in bringing my daughter home … safely from pirates.” He kept scanning for a few more minutes… “Near the end, there’s a passage committing large amounts of land and money to you if you wish to return…” I was shocked. I’d only done the honorable thing.
We spent time discussing what had been said between Maria and her father, and what both of them had said to me through the sheriff. In the end Bart said, “I didn’t know you had noble blood, boy.”
I replied, “I’m pretty sure I don’t, sir.”
He looked at me with a pursed smile on his lips, almost like he was taking inventory. “Perhaps you’re right, since e’en nobility doesn’t have that amount of honor and chivalry. Good job, Walt. Keep the gold pieces for yer own, and don’t let the others steal them away from you.”
[break]
This is the scene after the edit.:
[break]
He added, “This here is a letter of commendation. Thanking people for…Walter, and his bravery… in bringing my daughter home … safely from pirates.” He put the letter down to adjust the candlelight before coming back to Don Castabel’s message. “Nar the end, there’s a passage committin’ large amounts of land and money to you if ye ever want to return.”
I was thrilled, but I knew that coming back wouldn’t assure me Maria’s hand. I’d have to earn that in other ways.
We discussed what had been said between Maria and her father, and what both of them had told me through the sheriff. Bart said, “These gold pieces are yers. Keep them for yer own, and don’t let the others steal them from ye.”
I saw Bart return the letter to its envelope and put his key in his command safe. Things wouldn’t “get lost” in there. I asked him if he wouldn’t mind placing my gold coins in there too. He agreed, and I left his stateroom a rich and happy young man.
[break]
[break]
I like both scenes, and the before points the attention to the nobility of the actions in conversation rather than just example. This is one of the first examples of many of how sometimes the edits are better after you take the little gems out.
